my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize