This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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