If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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