FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
