i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
