Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
