worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
