so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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