I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize