Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
