I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Your penis caused this!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
