her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
