God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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