mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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