Little spoons don't ask big questions
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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