I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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