Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
