OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
