OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
