Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
