I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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