he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
