So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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