At least make sure they are 18
Why
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
