I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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