i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
