Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
