Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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