Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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