So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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