I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
