Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
