the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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