this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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