just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
