Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
