But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
