yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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