I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
