I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
