Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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