Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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