I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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