I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
