I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
