she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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