I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
pray to the hookup gods
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
