I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize