i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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