Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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