Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize