I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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