her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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