The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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