i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
