what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
