So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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