Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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