Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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