I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize